I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
