i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
