my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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