3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
