The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
