An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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