he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
