Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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