brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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