Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
