you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
