I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
