I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
