Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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