I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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