i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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