Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
