that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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