god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
