and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
