you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
