Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize