Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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