Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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