Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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