its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was CRYING into my vagina
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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