And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
