she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
