please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
