I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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