Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
