that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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