Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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