I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
