I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
