It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
