Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
