You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
