I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
