Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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