I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
