my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
