He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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