what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
