yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
