I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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