I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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