We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
