what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
