you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just cropdusted the office
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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