I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
