My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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