dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
