y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"it" just moved
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
