i was born a porn star she said
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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