worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so let's talk penis.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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