my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we made out on top of his cat.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
