Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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