dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Text me some of your sweat
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
