:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
