I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
