Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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