god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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