My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
