It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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