Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The air taste purple.
Randomize
