I accidentally burped into my bong.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
