nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize