we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
