Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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