For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
