Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
