I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
